Bonnie Appel

Location: Baltimore, MD

Challenge: Asperger's Disorder/ASD/PTSD

 

Bonnie Lyn Appel is a singer/songwriter from Baltimore, MD.

She adds "I was born March 31, 1983. I like to write my own songs and sing them. I want to learn how to play Acoustic Guitar as well". Bonnie was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 16 but she has only been receiving ASD specific treatment for the past year. "I've been through a lot in my life" adds Bonnie, "I want to study music. I want to pursue music as well as other creative art".

Bonnie likes to write melodic, hard edged style songs influenced by Stevie Nicks and Tori Amos. Her grandmother was Patsy O'Dell Ruckert who studied at Peabody and was a model/local celebrity. She died from Alzheimer's. Bonnie adds "She wasn't into hard edged music like I am but she always believed in me regarding my talent. She actually thought that was just noise.

But I inherited her singing voice nonetheless". The night that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease Bonnie had an arguement with her when she wasn't trying to argue at all. Bonnie adds "When she left the house where I was at and went home with my mom, right after watching the finale of my favorite TV show the word "Shadows" spoke to me. "Shadows" meaning that my grandmother was starting to become a shadow of herself. She just wasn't the same. She started talking different and was always forgetful". So Bonnie wrote her first called "Shadows" which is about watching loved ones (her grandmothers) slowly progress with Alzheimer's disease and watching them slowly become a shadow of themselves until there's nothing there anymore.

Bonnie created a melody for the song and she liked to sing it often. "I'm just an unknown", says Bonnie, "At some point I'd like to be locally known regarding my talent but I have very little money. My entire family are either mentally or physically disabled. Some of them are both. All of my songs have an autobiographical aspect to them. My favorite book "Wuthering Heights" is also a strong influence on many of the songs I have written".Bonnie has been writing songs since age 17. She also likes to draw, design, sew, paint, make jewelry, make dream catchers, weave, cook anything that relates to creativity/art/music she enjoys. Bonnie says "I was severely bullied when I was in school and fearing for my life and and not surviving being beaten up by kids who pretty much ruined everything I had, I dropped out of school. I've never gotten my GED. I was in a special school and even though I didn't drop out until the middle of 11th grade the academic curriculum level was barely the equivalent of an average, typical 5th grader".

But with Bonnie's art and creativity she has always been seen as well beyond her years. Bonnie says "I can recite lyrics word for word. I can name classic rock artists discographies in extensive order". Bonnie has an extensive collection of everything to do with classic rock music: photos, Tshirts, dolls, books, jewelry, magazines, albums, rare tracks, autographs as well as pertinent artwork that she has created herself.

Bonnie adds "Ever since the night I got my wisdom teeth taken out I've had an appreciation for the music of my parents generation. That's one of many things I was bullied about. I've always had to find creative, constructive ways of protecting myself. My creativity is one of many of them. I'm not a believer in destruction. When I'm upset I go pick up my manuscript and start writing or my sketchbook and start drawing. I'm a perfectionist. I drive myself nuts sometimes trying to get my art to look just right or my music to sound just right. My vision is very sharp so I easily notice fine detail. My hearing is distorted. I have crippling anxiety at times. People talking all at the same time starts to sound like noise. I even tend to "Zone Out" on occasion. I'm content with my own company. I like to be alone. My creativity is my life". Bonnie says she is happiest when she is at home alone drawing, writing, creating music, taking photos and even just being on my computer. "That's enough for me", says Bonnie, "I don't put myself in situations or allow others to put me in situations that could put my well being in jeopardy". Bonnie has discovered that sometimes having a healthy self esteem level and being a little bit selfish can actually be a good thing. She adds "Over the years I've successfully been able to talk family members and friends out of suicide. I'm able to understand how others feel in a way that most people can't because I deal with sensory overload every single day of my life. That's just the way it is. I can't change it so instead, I've chosen to accept it. I'm all about life".

Bonnie says she is very spiritual even though she writes hard edged songs. She adds "Hard edged songs and spirituality are actually a very interesting combination. Not all rock music is angry. That's a stereotype. I prefer to try to set a positive example".

Bonnie says "My goal is to raise awareness for all individuals affected by Alzheimer's disease through my song "Shadows". Maybe that song will give individuals a fighting chance at the necessary resources and research to provide better treatment options that both of my grandmother's didn't have. But that song "Shadows" wasn't entirely about my grandmothers, but more about everyone who is affected by Alzheimer's disease".

Bonnie doesn't want to be the next Carrie Underwood as she gets terrible stage fright. She says "I wouldn't be able to handle fame in a million years. But I would like to get my name out and be known locally like my grandmother was for my music and art". Bonnie wants to make her grandmother proud through my song "Shadows" so those affected by Alzheimer's disease won't just be more shadows. She adds "I want them to have hope. I want them to believe there is hope. And I would like to raise awareness as an effort to do so. There's a light at the end of every tunnel as far as I\'m concerned".